


you watch me bleed until i can't breathe

by Elmers_glue



Category: Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I swear, Javid isn't explicit but they arE in love, M/M, SPOT AND RACE ARE MARRIED!!!!, Violence, i hate the delanceys thats my tea thanks, its mentioned like once so its not a big deal but be careful friends, its real cute at the end, race gets the crap beaten out of him by the delanceys, song title is a shawn mendes lyric leave me alone, the delanceys are jerks and touch race in bad ways
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2019-11-09 02:17:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17992955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elmers_glue/pseuds/Elmers_glue
Summary: Race held his hands over his face. He hadn't been in a lot of fights before because normally he could talk himself out of one, and Spot was usually there to defend him when Race couldn’t charm his way out. But Spot wasn't there, and Race knew he couldn’t talk his way out of this one.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey!!! so please enjoy this!!! it is violent at times and race does have a nightmare/panic attack sorta  
> be careful friends!!  
> leave a kudos and a comment if you didn't think this sucked

Race was chatting with a woman at the bar as he wiped down the counter. There was not many people at the Sitzprobe Bar for 1am on a Friday night, and Race was dead tired. When Antonio "Racetrack" Higgins-Conlon was dead tired, he tended to not have a filter. He was covering for his friend Hildy's shift at the bar, as she was sick, and bartending plus sickness didn't go well together. Unfortunately, that meant he was stuck bartending with two of the worst people Race had ever met, the Delancey brothers. They were homophobic, ableist, transphobic, and sexist. Race, as a married gay man did not particularly like them. If they found out that Race was gay, well, Race shuddered to think of what would happen. However, as mentioned before, it was 1am. The woman began to flirt with Race, to which Race almost instinctively responded by saying, "I'm sorry, ma’am, I have a husband,” and raising his hand with the ring on it. The woman smiled at him and nodded. However, the some other people in the bar did not take the news so well.  
Two heads snapped towards Race. Race swore under his breath as soon as he saw them glare at him. He went to text Spot quickly to ask him to come and get him, (Race knew his husband, there was no way in hell that Spot was asleep,) but his phone was dead. He swore again. He checked his watch. His shift was over. So was the Delancey brothers’. Race silently prayed to any god out there that he would make it home. Race took a piece of paper from behind the bar and found a pen. He quickly wrote a note to Spot, just in case something happened. After tucking it into his pocket along with his keys, money, and phone, he left the bar.  
He made it past one alley before he was shoved. Race was pushed against the wall and despite the poor lighting he could see who had shoved him. Morris Delancey.  
They began to shout at him, it was 1am, no one cared about some gay guy being yelled at in some alleyway by a bar, so they didn't hold back. Race tried not to let it bother him, but their hateful speech continued for what felt like forever. The Delancey's threatened him, laughed at him, and mocked him. Race felt his face grow red and his eyes grow watery. Even though there was no one to witness what was happening, Race had never felt more humiliated. He could feel the Delancey's touching him in ways he didn't want anyone but Spot to touch him, he could feel the grip on his arm tightening as their taunts grew louder and louder, he could feel a tear running down his face and he could hear them laughing at his fear.  
Morris was the first to strike him. He punched Race in the nose, and when Race's hands shot up to his nose, Oscar shoved him against the wall. Race held his hands over his face. He hadn't been in a lot of fights before because normally he could talk himself out of one, and Spot was usually there to defend him when Race couldn’t charm his way out. But Spot wasn't there, and Race knew he couldn’t talk his way out of this one. Oscar grabbed onto Race's curly blond hair, and pulled him away from the wall, only to push him to the ground. Race let out a startled cry and curled up. Numerous kicks landed on his arms, his back, his chest, and his head. Race sobbed into his arms as he let himself be kicked and hit and spat on.  
The blows stopped suddenly and Race carefully straightened his legs so he could get up. A swift kick to the head was all it took for the world to go black. 

_________________________________________________________________

 

Race knocked on the front door of Spot and his apartment. The door opened almost immediately and Race was greeted with the sight of his extremely worried husband.  
"Antonio, what the hell? Are you okay?" Spot extended his arm out to Race, who was suddenly aware of how tired he was. Race tripped on the doorstep and Spot caught him gently.  
"Be careful...oh baby who did this to you?" Spot lead Race to the couch and sat him down. Race stared at his hands.  
"Honey..? What happened? C'mon Tony, can ya speak? It's been two days since I've last seen you and you left perfectly fine. Now you're covered in bruises and you won't even look at me."  
Race looked up at Spot quickly. Too quickly, because when his head shot up, his eyes rolled back into his head and he slumped onto Spot. Spot swore loudly and picked Race up and brought him to the bedroom. He lay Race on the bed and carefully changed Race from his dirty, bloody suit to a t-shirt and pajama pants. Spot cleaned off all of Race's cuts and bruises to the best of his ability, and tucked Race into bed. He joined Race as soon as he was ready and he turned off the light. Spot gently took Race's hand and he fell asleep.

Race woke up screaming. There was things touching him, he ripped his hand away from Spot's. The blankets weighed on him and he couldn't breathe. It was all just touching him and all he could think about was Oscar and Morris's hands on him, pinning him to the wall, feeling him, hurting him. He pushed away the blankets and the movement hurt. It all hurt so much. Then there was Spot, who woke up as soon as Race started to scream, he kept moving closer and Race just wanted to be far far away. He wanted to be alone, he wanted to not feel anything. He kept screaming until his voice grew hoarse and nothing came out. He felt Spot's hand grab onto his own and he jerked away and he couldn't see and he couldn't breathe. He felt his back hit the floor and he curled up and waited for kicks and hits that never came. The pain was so much, but he couldn't escape. Race sobbed into his hands until the world went fuzzy.  
___________________________________________________________________

Spot watched in horror as he watched his husband pass out on the bedroom floor. He'd never seen Race look this broken and scared before. He picked Race up, careful of the bruises that were stained across Race's arms and face, and held him close. Spot sat down on the bed, and picked up his phone and dialed Davey's number. Davey had a car, Spot did not, and Race clearly needed immediate medical care because Spot could hear Race wheezing and he could see how badly his ankle was twisted and he knew that passing out three times in three hours was not good.  
As he waited for Davey, who was on his way, Spot played with Race's still dirty and bloody blond hair and pressed kisses to the few spaces on his face that weren't bloody. He wrapped Race up in the softest blanket they owned, even though it was summer, because nights were still strangely chilly and Spot was worried.  
As soon as Davey knocked on the door, Spot slipped on a pair of shoes and went to Davey's car. Spot sat in the backseat, where he had carefully buckled Race into. He sat next to him and held Race close so he wouldn't get hurt. Eventually they reached the hospital and Spot carried Race, who was still wrapped up in the blanket and was slowly waking up, inside. Davey offered to stay with him, but Spot asked him to leave. When the nurses took Race away, Spot nearly begged them to let him come with them. Instead, he sat in the waiting room alone. Three hours later, the nurses told Spot that Race was finally stable. Race had been in surgery for something that Spot barely listened to because all he could think about was Race waking up scared and by himself. When Spot reached Race's room and he saw Race's pale body laying on the bed, he froze. There was still bruises covering his slim body and Spot's heart just about broke when he saw how many wires were sticking out of his body. Spot walked up to Race slowly and took his hand. He brought Race's hand, the one with their wedding band on it, and kissed his knuckles. Spot felt his eyes burn and he clenched his jaw in order to stop the tears that would inevitably fall. As soon as the nurses left the room, Spot let the tears fall. Spot let go of Race's hand and moved a chair near the bed so he could sit as close to Race as possible. He let himself cry. After what felt like hours, Race's hand moved. When Race's hand touched Spot's, Race grabbed onto it tightly. Spot smiled and kissed Race's hand again. When Race woke up, he was greeted by the sight of his husband’s smiling face.  
“Hey honey, how you feeling?” Spot whispered.  
Race smiled at Spot. “Could be better, but I’m doing fine,” he pulled Spot’s hand closer to him. “I’m real tired though.” Race yawned. “I wanna cuddle with you Spot.”  
“There’s not enough room on the bed ‘Tonio. Go to sleep.”  
“There’s plenty of room on the bed. You’re like 2 feet tall you can fit.”  
“After that comment, I’m not sure if I want to join you on there,”  
Race pouted and as soon as Race gave him the ‘puppy dog eyes,’ Spot sighed and carefully joined Race on the bed.  
“You’re lucky you have such pretty eyes, ‘Tonio, because that’s the only thing that made me get up here with you.” Spot carefully brushed Race’s hair out of his face, and kissed his forehead gently. “Even with bruises all over, you’re easily the prettiest guy out there.”  
“Glad you think so,” Race smiled and buried his face into Spot’s chest.  
Spot felt Race doze off, and he pulled Race just a little closer. After pressing a kiss to Race’s hair, Spot let himself finally sleep in his husband’s arms.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Race gets back from the hospital. Spot and Race fight. But they love each other sooooooo...  
> also warning because,, sorta?? suicidal thoughts?? idk its at the end and like one sentence,,, also theres death mention,, but no actual death  
> be safe

Spot carefully lifted his sleeping husband from the car and walked to the entrance of their apartment, it took longer than normal to walk up the stairs then usual because Race had become deadweight in Spot’s arms. Spot opened the door and walked in. Race was slowly moving in his sleep, making him hard to carry, so Spot carefully put him down on the couch. Race sighed in his sleep, and Spot snapped his head around to make sure Race was okay. Spot rewrapped Race in the blanket he had brought him to the hospital in and took him to their room. Spot lay Race on the bed. Race’s clothes still had a good amount of blood and dirt on them. There was bruises and scrapes and cuts all over Race’s arms and face, and Spot was sure that there were more hidden by Race’s shirt. Race let out a shaky breath, and slowly blinked until he was looking Spot in the eye. He looked away from Spot and started to turn away from him.   
“Hey…” Spot placed a hand on Race’s shoulder and started to turn him back onto his back.  
Race shook his head and winced, turning back onto his side despite the sharp pain he felt in doing so.   
“Racer, you need to change.”  
Race shrugged to the best of his ability.  
“You’re covered in blood.”  
“So..?” Race’s voice cracked.   
“You need to change. Can you sit up for me?”  
Race ignored him.   
“Antonio, you need to change. Sit up for me and it’ll be quick and easy. I’ll let you go back to sleep if you change.”  
Race slowly sat up. He wordlessly pulled off his shirt, then the rest of his clothes and he changed into the soft pajama pants Spot handed him, and one of Spot’s old sweatshirts that was far too big for him. True to his word, Spot let Race lie back down again. But Race didn’t want to sleep.  
“Aren’t you tired?” Spot asked, pulling Race closer to him.  
Race shrugged. “Hurts too much to sleep.”  
“Tony, do you mind telling me what they did?”  
“Doesn’t matter.”  
“Doesn’t matter? Doesn’t matter?! You were out lying on the streets for two days and it doesn’t matter?! Everyone was looking for you, when you returned I was about to call the cops and start a whole fucking search team to find you! I called Raf and Joey and Hotshot and Hildy and every single one of your friends so they would help me find you. We searched for hours, and we couldn’t find you! And you think it doesn’t matter? We looked everywhere, we looked by the bar, we looked in every single fucking alleyway on the way to and from the bar! We searched for hours! We even asked the asshole people you had to work with that night, the Delanceys, and they didn’t even know where you were!”  
Race cut Spot off, “The Delanceys knew where I was.”  
“How? Wait-”  
“Probably because they’re the ones who shoved me into the fucking dumpster! I woke up in a pile of fucking trash! I don’t remember how I got there, but someone must’ve done it! Beating the shit out of your gay coworker is pretty damning advice if your being charged with shoving his unconscious body in the fucking trash!”  
Race took a deep breath after his rant, then began to cough. Spot rested a hand on his shoulder but Race knocked it off. Race kept coughing and it hurt, it felt like there was daggers cutting the inside of his throat. Spot started to rub Race’s back, Race leaned into the touch, Spot pulled Race against him and continued to rub his back until he stopped coughing.   
“You okay now?”  
“M fine. You said you’d let me sleep. Let me sleep.”  
“You said you weren’t tired.”  
“You didn’t look hard enough.”  
“We looked as hard as possible. You should’ve been more careful.”  
“They fucking jumped me and it’s my fault?”  
“You could’ve called me and I would’ve picked up! You knew it wasn’t safe!”  
“My phone was dead!”  
“You could’ve charged it!”  
“It was fine when I left!”  
“Why the hell did the Delancey’s find out you were gay? I thought you said you would never tell them!”  
“I was being hit on and I said I had a husband! Would you rather I have slept with the woman?”  
“Why the fuck didn’t you just say you were married?”  
“Why is it my fault that I was beat up?”  
“Because you outed yourself when you knew full well it wasn't safe to. You’re the idiot who said you were married to a man in front of two assholes!”   
“I didn’t realize they were right behind me!”  
“Still shouldn’t have said it!”  
“It’s not my fault they’re homophobic!”  
“I didn’t say it was! It is your fault for putting yourself in a situation where you could have died!”  
“I wouldn’t have died!”  
“You were gone for days! Days, Tony! You have broken ribs and you can’t breath right! You’re covered in bruises and scrapes and cuts and your clothing was covered in blood! You woke up screaming because I held your fucking hand! Even now, you’re barely letting me touch you, and I’m your fucking husband!”  
“If I had known you were gonna yell about me for this maybe I should’ve just stayed out there!” Race yelled, his voice scratchy from desperately holding back sobs.  
“What?” Spot asked quietly. “You can’t possibly mean that.”  
“Maybe I do!” Race’s face crumpled and he started to cry. “Maybe I do…”   
Spot didn’t know what to say. He just stared at Race, who was covering his face with his hands, and who’s shoulders were shaking with heaving sobs.   
“I’m sorry-I’m sorry-I shouldn’t have been so careless-I shouldnta been so stupid-”   
“No-No! Antonio, I shouldn’t have said any of that, it’s not your fault, Tony please-!”

By the time Race had stopped crying, it was pitch black outside. Race was lying down again, his head on Spot’s chest. Spot was carefully running his fingers through Race’s hair, and at every tangle Spot quietly apologized despite it never hurting Race.   
“I’m sorry for yelling at you earlier.” Spot said. Race smiled softly and looked down at his husband.  
“Good. That was kinda a dick move, yelling at your husband for getting mugged.”  
“I know. I was just...thinking about what would’ve happened if you never came back.”  
“But I’m here now, Spot. I’m not going anywhere.”  
“I know.”  
“Good.”


End file.
